Friday, December 28, 2012

Jealous? ok yeah.

I've got a confession to make. A lot of my friends have been getting engaged lately. The entirety of my church group from two summers ago is married and/or almost married. My best friend from seminary (religion classes during high school) is getting married next week. Another girl married tomorrow! And then I just saw one of the girls in my dorm got engaged. I'm excited for them I really am! What a special time in their lives! But, every time I see this I also get a little bit jealous.

The girl from seminary? She met her fiance in September. Went on a date in October. Was engaged two weeks later. Other girl? Only dated a month before engagement. Everyone else? Dated less than a year. My parents themselves only dated three months before getting engaged. I get that this happens and works for many people. That when you know you just know. 

But. Whenever I see it I can't help but feel a bit jealous. And I hate that I feel that way. 

Why do I? Because I've been with Sammy for two years. I've known he's the one for over a year. There's nothing that I want more than to be his wife and spend every night with him. To have spent Christmas with him. To fight over how to load the dishwasher with him. And then all these other people meet, and get to go right to that stage. It just gives me a huge knot in my stomach of jealousy. I want it so bad. I want to go to the temple so bad, to be sealed for time and all eternity. And I can't yet. 

I know my time will come, and it's closer than I think. I also know I'll know my husband much better than most when they get married. That we already know how to communicate when we're frustrated without ripping each other's heads off. But, I still get jealous. I'm working on it. I'll congratulate them tomorrow. Tonight I'll scream in my pillow. 

1 comment:

  1. I felt/feel a lot like this too, and I hate feeling jealous when I know I should be happy for them. From my great grandparents, grandparents and my parents all met and married within a year, and most of my friends get engaged after about a year of being together. I know that waiting was the right move for us, but I still feel that twinge of jealousy when I see someone who's been together for a shorter period of time than us engaged. Oh well I can fake a smile for them.